my moral standing is lying down

But … how many times do dudes get to be “trying to be friendly and not really jerks” when they shut women down, before there’s more to it than that? At what point does it stop being “that one asshole dude” (or “those two asshole dudes”, or “okay it was three”) … or even “that one nice guy who just said one sexist thing that one time” (or “two nice guys” or “three nice guys” or “one nice guy who, okay, yes he says it a lot, but ….”) I noted that I’ve experienced other similar situations, and plenty of commenters backed me up; at what point does it stop being “that one guy”, “that one time”, and become a pattern? And at what point does an example become good enough to represent the pattern?

There’s something else worth adding, too, about this particular example. Admittedly, there were points in that post where I was pretty snarky about this dude, but one of the things I really like about feminism is that it gives me a great framework to think about people who act in oppressive patterns without thinking that they are Incontrovertibly Bad People. What I am saying here is that I don’t think, and never did think, that he’s an evil guy; in fact, I thought he was pretty nice, really, overall.

Individuals bear responsibility, but culture affects these things too. Feminism has taught me that culture often encourages people to fall into oppressive patterns, which we should watch out for. This means, unavoidably, that individuals sometimes have to be called out or used as examples. But it means that they’re, you know, people. Who can be understood as people.

And given how privilege and oppression and violence replicate themselves, it may be especially problematic for me to have the kind of privilege that I have, and simultaneously come from a feminist background that has educated me about the way women have consistently been shut down … unless I resolve to watch myself and never feel entitled to shut others down, or ignore their perspectives, in the same way.

“I know you’re smarter than me, so let’s not get into it”: this isn’t only a kind of subtle shutdown that I can feel frustrated about and condescended to if someone says it to me; it’s also something I should be careful about with in terms of shutting down other people. If I do that, then perhaps I should be called out or used as an example. I’d hope that I’d also be seen and understood as a person.

Duo jailed for scythe attack on ex-partner
A couple who were both high on drugs subjected a visitor to a terrifying ordeal, a court heard. Victim Adam Graves was asked to hand over prescription...
http://www.thisislincolnshire.co.uk/news/Duo-bars-terrifying-attack-ex-partner-scythe/article-1724591-detail/article.html

"Eric Clough isn't your typical architectural designer. Sure, he'll design you a fine den or kitchen, but he's clearly got a creative streak that goes much deeper than that. That's why, when given the opportunity, he secretly built an incredible scavenger hunt into a $8.5-million, 4,200-square-foot Park Avenue apartment that included ciphers, riddles, poems and a lot of hidden doors and compartments.

How amazing is that? It took the family months to discover the scavenger hunt and weeks after that to figure it all out. It's like [living] in a children's book of some kind."

The vodka manufacturer presents the work of artists it has deemed visionary and shows off their interactive creations in this exhibition. "Asbolut Quartet" (in NYC) is an installation that creates a musical composition based on input given over the internet at www.absolutmachines.com. FREE. 186 Orchard St, between Stanton and Houston (F,V to Lower East Side/2nd Ave) 646-935-4185

Thompson says, "From where I sit, traditional "literary fiction" has dropped the ball. I studied literature in college, and throughout my twenties I voraciously read contemporary fiction. Then, eight or nine years ago, I found myself getting — well — bored."