my moral standing is lying down

Soooo, THAT happened.

The Halloween P!ATD show was fucking amazing, and I couldn't have seen the show or spent the day with a better bunch (sansets, bootson, coyotegestalt, an unexpected!zeenell, and several others)! I was sad I wasn't able to con my way into M&G, but whatevs, I still got to see pantsless!Spencer, which btw I've decided is the best holiday ever.

Also, can I gush for a sec over Ian dressing up as Hit Girl?! Besides the whole crossdressing thing, which I like but isn't my particular kink, I know he did it because he's a huge. fucking. nerd. and thinks HG is badass and cool, not (only) because it'd be funny for him to wear a skirt. Let's count how many girls dress up as guys because they're badass characters-- oh wait, we can't because there are too many. I want to see more guys dressing up as awesome girl characters on Halloween. Because it's not far from something like that to girls just being legit cool without any sort of qualifiers.

It's not like I hadn't already been tipping over into having huge heart-eyes over Ian, but this pretty solidly cemented it.

Also, jesus fuck Ian-as-HG rocking out on his guitar is so fucking hot, I can't even! What is that even all about? HG is like, TEN YEARS OLD. IDEFK, maybe it's the wig. Seriously, I'd actually just love to see Ian-as-HG at every fucking Panic! show. Yes, along with Pantsless!Spencer and also Brendon with his Jesus wig because like I told twitter, somehow that made me feel like I was at a Real Rock Concert™ and it was kind of awesome.

Pstump is amazingly adorable, I don't think there are enough words to explain exactly how adorable he is. With his red suit and blinking red devil horns. It sort of made me want a sequel to Lenore's BeWentzed (Pete/Patrick), from Patrick's POV but some years down the road.

FANGIRL HOSTELS ARE THE BEST! I still can't thank sansets and her roomies enough for letting me crash on (one of) their couches. I hope I can return the favor someday!

Some blog posts/articles regarding sexism/racism/privilege that made me feel good rather than depressed:

1. Regarding the sexual assault on Lisa Logan in Egypt, Journalist Nir Rosen's offensive jokes/remarks on twitter. And his subsequent apology: THIS, btw, is how public apologies for rape jokes/apologia should go.

2. Have I mentioned how much I love Clarisse Thorn? In the follow-up to her post last week about entrenched societal sexism, is a post with some very valid, relevant, not-so-rhetorical questions:

But … how many times do dudes get to be “trying to be friendly and not really jerks” when they shut women down, before there’s more to it than that? At what point does it stop being “that one asshole dude” (or “those two asshole dudes”, or “okay it was three”) … or even “that one nice guy who just said one sexist thing that one time” (or “two nice guys” or “three nice guys” or “one nice guy who, okay, yes he says it a lot, but ….”) I noted that I’ve experienced other similar situations, and plenty of commenters backed me up; at what point does it stop being “that one guy”, “that one time”, and become a pattern? And at what point does an example become good enough to represent the pattern?

She also addresses what I think to be one aspect of the mental hurdles it's difficult to overcome when you're privileged. That is, the knee-jerk denial/defensiveness that you experience. I know it; I've felt it myself. It's not the responsibility of others, of course, to patiently explain to you why you're wrong -- and you'd have to be willing to admit you're wrong to begin with -- but honestly, a kind explanation can help in getting past that feeling.

There’s something else worth adding, too, about this particular example. Admittedly, there were points in that post where I was pretty snarky about this dude, but one of the things I really like about feminism is that it gives me a great framework to think about people who act in oppressive patterns without thinking that they are Incontrovertibly Bad People. What I am saying here is that I don’t think, and never did think, that he’s an evil guy; in fact, I thought he was pretty nice, really, overall.

Individuals bear responsibility, but culture affects these things too. Feminism has taught me that culture often encourages people to fall into oppressive patterns, which we should watch out for. This means, unavoidably, that individuals sometimes have to be called out or used as examples. But it means that they’re, you know, people. Who can be understood as people.

Personally, I really identify when people talk about themselves; it illustrates your willingness to own your own mistakes and prejudices -- and we all make/have them. In a stereotypical way, I suppose, I feel like-- "if you did/thought this dumb thing and are opening/improving your mind/perspective, then I don't see why I can't do the same."

And given how privilege and oppression and violence replicate themselves, it may be especially problematic for me to have the kind of privilege that I have, and simultaneously come from a feminist background that has educated me about the way women have consistently been shut down … unless I resolve to watch myself and never feel entitled to shut others down, or ignore their perspectives, in the same way.

“I know you’re smarter than me, so let’s not get into it”: this isn’t only a kind of subtle shutdown that I can feel frustrated about and condescended to if someone says it to me; it’s also something I should be careful about with in terms of shutting down other people. If I do that, then perhaps I should be called out or used as an example. I’d hope that I’d also be seen and understood as a person.

ETA: Sorry, I didn't want to put any of this behind an lj-cut, in case something caught someone's eye, since the message is an important one.