my moral standing is lying down

Ahahaha, I got laid off.

My last day is this coming Friday, though my boss let me know this past Friday. I went home a little early and told my roomies and quietly freaked out a little. Went to the gym. Then I relaxed because whatevs, I just had to figure out what I should do about it: look up California Unemployment, see if I'm eligible; look up jobs on Craigslist and other sites, start sending resumes out.

I did those things.

I can't even remember what the context was when I jokingly said "I should just move to Philly", but then the thought just got stuck in my mind. The more I thought about it, the more seriously appealing it became. Several weeks ago I'd decided that I was going to stay in LA for only another year before going back to NYC. Mostly because of Rich. So my thinking is: if I've got only a year to sow my wild wanderlust-oats, I need to make the best of it; if I was going to struggle with finding a job (for who knows how long) and maybe not be able to do things because of making only enough money to survive rather than go out and doing fun stuff, I'd rather spend a year doing that in a place I've never lived before, experiencing something completely new and different.

You probably think I'm crazy. I don't blame you; I kind of do, too. But I talked it out with a few people who've got good, rational heads on their shoulders, and I think this is actually going to work out.

I'll be going back to NYC first, for a couple of months, to work and save up some money for the cost of moving to Philly (rent/security/furniture/etc.) where I plan to live for about a year before returning. I'm ridiculously sad I'm going to miss all of the new friends I made here, though. And most especially, my two awesome roomies elipie and likeaglass. This past year just couldn't have been as fucking awesome as it was without them!

But I'm not gonna lie -- though it wasn't the motivating, or even the tipping factor -- it's a huge plus that Philly's only 2.5 hours away from Rich, and my family, and so many of my closest friends. (And also the NY Rangers.)

So here's the fun part: ROAD TRIP 2: EAST COAST BOOGALOO!

LOS ANGELES >> ALBUQUERQUE >> OKLAHOMA CITY >> ST LOUIS >> CHICAGO >> PITTSBURGH >> NYC

Spencer was the boy at the drums with the gorgeous smile who could lay out a joke so dry it wasn't funny until Ryan laughed.

This description from Anywhere You Let It Go by skoosiepants has been stuck in my mind since I read it earlier this week; I just can't stop thinking about it. Anyway, if you haven't read any of her fic (which you probably have since it's like four years old by now), just go and read it all. Because it's all insanely quirky and amazing. And I now know more about fanon!MCR and fanon!Cobra Starship than I ever thought I would. Everyone in bandom is clearly nuts. =D

In other news, I have been a hermit this whole week, have barely talked to anyone, and it's sort of freaking me out but I can't seem to do a whole lot to fix it. =/

ETA: Oh yeah, Liz and Juliet found an apartment in Woodside, right off the 7 train, so even though it's not suuuuper easy to get to, they're going to be pretty close and it will all be theoretically awesome! Technically, there IS a bus, at least, that goes pretty closely between our places, so there's a plus.

I decided to do this 30 days meme that I'm seeing all over fbook because I haven't posted anything for like a week and a half now, and it feels really weird. I've got a lot of things sort of simmering underneath the surface and I'm mostly holding everything in, which, yeah I know-- not the best way to deal with things. But I'm finding it difficult to post about anything that means anything to me-- not even about how squeeful I feel over Merlin fandom and how I've been devouring fic like Cookie Monster devours cookies.

I will apologize in advance for spamming your flist, considering I don't usually post this much... but having said that, I BY NO MEANS guarantee that I'll actually remember to do this every day, ahahaha.

( 30 days list )

All posts will be under the meme:music tag.

As a bonus, I think I'll add in my favorite line from each song.

I have been in an amazingly, surprisingly happy mood for the past 5-14 days. I'm not quite sure exactly when it turned into that. But I think this may be the first time in a really, really, really long time, that I'm actually just happy. Energized. (Even though I'm tired from lack of sleep this week.)

There are a lot of things going on around me, but I feel like I'm kind of in a padded cocoon. Mostly made up of my current Laby obsession. But it's not just that. I was afraid it was; I hesitated to put on that Schaft CD and the Buck-Tick CD, afraid that it would wipe my Laby-high away if I listened to anything other than the soundtrack (which I've been listening to nonstop for a week - and I mean, at home, at work, on the subway, etc.). Glad to say that it hasn't.

I don't know exactly what will wipe my high away; I just hope it doesn't happen too soon. I haven't had this feeling of the burgeoning potential of anything, or everything, in me, under my skin for much too long. I don't want to go back to normal.

The hold on LKH's Skin Trade finally came up at the library, so I picked it up yesterday. I hesitated to start reading that too, but it hasn't replaced the Laby-high yet (as of starting it this morning on the train). More to come when I get further into the book.

TRON TOMORROW!!!! Don't be a poophead! Come and join me~!

Just booked (pre-paid in full) a hostel for the trip to London at the end of March.

I was a fucking idiot and put it on my debit card instead of on the credit card I intended to use. Luckily, I have some extra funds which I can move around a bit.

Still, jeez, I'm out of it. Even after sleeping for 12 hours last night. I skipped class and got home at 6pm, was asleep by 6:30pm, and other than waking up every few hours for a couple of seconds each, I slept all the way through til 7am this morning.

Which brings me to... my stupidity of the last several days.

Monday was mostly a relaxing day, but I must have already started coming down with a cold because I barely ate all day. 4.5 hours after waking up, I decided I'd have half a bag of chips & guac from Chipotle. And then half a baked potato and some chicken nuggets a little later. That's it. All day. Not my usual fare.

Stayed up til 4am on Monday night. Somewhat stressful conversation and only 3 hours of sleep later, and feeling like crap from all of the above. Plus a continued lack of appetite and headache. Rushed home to return the car to NJ. Discovered, when I tried to take out some money from the ATM, that NONE OF MY CARDS WORKED. So I drove over to borrow some money from parents, and realized I didn't need the money I had come to borrow -- because YOU CAN TAKE FDR NORTH TO THE GW BRIDGE INSTEAD OF THE TRIBORO. Therefore, NO TOLLS. Yeah, you can see exactly how on-top of things I was.

Finally made it to NJ, later than anticipated, and pretty hungry, with a headache. We went out for dinner, and despite the fact that I felt like I was starving, I didn't really eat that much, and that headache did not go away until I took some painkiller for it.

Left NJ -- not under the best of circumstances, but again, I maintain that I was not in my right mind -- at midnight and got to Port Authority 30 minutes later. Waited for the E to take me straight home. But since the E didn't come, and a D came instead, I figured, what the hell, I'll take this to 7th Avenue and wait for the E there.

Does the D even go to 7th avenue?

Ask me if I even cared.

So it stopped at 50th street and then at Columbus Circle. I got out there and walked west. Realized my mistake, turned around and walked east. Finally, gave up and said "Screw it; I'm taking a cab." Cab from Columbus Circle to home was only $16. NOT BAD. Got home at 1am, asleep by 2am.

However, yesterday at work I was even more out of it. Continued lack of appetite and general malaise. I realize I should not have lunch with coworkers in this state. I sound like an idiot. Hopefully they recognize that I was super exhausted (after all, I did tell them about my super exhausting weekend), and won't hold it against me.

So that brings me full circle, with 12 hours of sleep last night, but still feeling out of it today. Better than yesterday, but still. I should take a day off and get my shit together, but I feel guilty because I just had a 4-day weekend.

...

In a small bit of good news, I got the new Buck-Tick album this morning, which I am really looking forward to listening to on the way home tonight. Please to not be disappointed!

A friend sent this article to me. It's great. You should read it: America the Illiterate.

Completely unrelated, and yet in keeping with this theme of pessimism, I had a conversation last night that made me kind of depressed unsure; insecure; vaguely embarrassed. Basically kind of crappy.

Sometimes I think I'm my own worst enemy.

I want to curl up, hide under the covers, and not talk to anyone ever again.

</emo!Sara>

taken from rathshakar

( layers )


Also, wow. That really did take almost an hour.

Waaah~ so busy at work lately!

Last night I think I got home at like 9pm, which is pretty amazing! After work, I went to Angelica's to do some typing for Joe, but I ended up taking it home instead of doing it there. I have to remember to do it tonight! But I got Lisa's yummy homemade dinner instead. =D

When I got home I was inspired by the unusually clean state of my room and the "early" hour, so I decided to do taxes! Yay! Of course, when I was only halfway done, Maryann came home and then we talked for like 2.5 hours. So I was only able to finish Maryann's and my federal taxes. State taxes are next!

St. Patty's was pretty cool -- after Japanese class, Judy and I met up with her coworkers at a bar in the East Village. I really like Yee and Vitaliy ~ they're lotsa fun to hang out with! Also, have discovered that I like tequila shots. =D

Sunday night I watched the first couple of episodes of Initial D over with Judy (who hadn't seen it before) and it has re-awakened my love for that show. I never did finish watching Fourth Stage, so I really want to get back to that! And I should check to see if any more of the manga has been scanlated 'cause I think I was up to some volume in the high-20s. The manga is just sooo good. <3

I just realized -- I leave for Vienna in a week and a half. OMG, WTF am I going to wear?! I think I need to go shopping this weekend. No, what am I saying? I have no money. =/

...so, what's up with you guys?

It seems that Katsucon was not the end of my insane busyness. Last night I had an awesome time at dinner with Yoshi, Jamael (of whom it has been decided that Jerry is a clone, rather than the actual same person, though I'm still skeptical), Will, Raheem, and Maryann. It was really great to see people I haven't seen in what feels like freaking forever, and most especially Jamael, whom I don't think I've seen since the first time he left! Over a year ago?! Yeah -- it was Black Friday 2006! Crazy.

We went to Nyonya, a Malaysian restaurant on Grand between Mott and Mulberry, in Chinatown. It was yummy, especially since I haven't had Malaysian in a long time, but IMO it doesn't compare to Taste Good in Elmhurst, or even Penang in Chinatown. I think the flavoring is more mild. Still, I was more disappointed with the roti canai/chicken curry and the satay beef and peanut sauce than the spicy thai/hainan chicken that I got for my meal. And the hainan rice is actually better than the hainan rice from either of the other places, so I guess I would say each place has its strengths and weaknesses. I'll have to try the belacan from there one day.

There was one poor fish in the fishtank right behind our table who kept swimming around upside down. It really turned into a hot topic at the dinner. I suggested they might have an item on the menu called Upside Down Fish; who knows.

Split with them around 8, but I had other things to address and ended up leaving the city around 10pm. Maryann and I must have gotten home at just about 11, but we still had other things to take care of and ended up getting to sleep at like 1am. So I'm kind of falling asleep at my desk a little this morning. =/ Japanese class is tonight, which I look forward to, but I know I'm not going to be very animated since I'm already starting the day by being beat. Hopefully I'll get a second wind.

I have something to do every night this week, dammit. But I think Saturday I'm going to sleep late and do nothing but stay in. Maybe watch some anime. I am somehow in the mood to watch anime. Who has seen Tactics? I caught an episode on CN and it looked kind of dramatic and silly. I seem to be in the mood for it. (Though the voice acting was quite painful to hear.) I could try and finish Spiral since it's along the same lines of dramatic and silly.

This is a "pseudo" con report because I didn't actually do anything at the con but work at Anna's booth. Not that I'm complaining, I actually had an awesome time working there with Anna, Jim, Ben, Judy, Rymel, manga Chris (why is he called manga Chris anyway?), Charles, uh... who else was there? I'm sure I had more fun at the booth than I would have had just roaming around -- it didn't seem like there was a whole lot to do, if you weren't involved with some of the behind-the-scenes things. I will leave reporting of any WCS drama up to Chris. ^^;

It was also really nice that NoE people came by to visit me, and also have their pictures taken! It was good to see some of you whom I haven't seen in quite a while -- Lizette, Yoshi, Will, Angelica, Isha. =D koyappi, I'd like to see a con report from you since I didn't get to see anything else of the con. I didn't even get to see the other side of the dealers room other than the two aisles that I had to walk down in order to get to Anna's booth! ^_~; Which wasn't bad, since I didn't spend any money on unnecessary things. The only money I spent aside from food this weekend was $2 on one of Maryann's pins -- the Weighted Companion Cube, of course. &hearts!

Dinner on Saturday with NA people was fun! It was good to see Joe & Morgan again; it's just too bad Judy and I didn't make it up to the Tower bar at the end of the night. ;_; But huge dinner last night was SRSLY HUGE! And lots of fun; with lots of bad jokes and puns going around. Noise glands and all~! Dessert was, as Jim described it, a block of lactose, thinly sliced... aka, a massive sundae (whipped cream and ice cream over bananas and fudge with nuts and other sweet cookie things) called the Titanic. Of which I did not have very much because the brandy-soaked strawberry shortcake was just amazing, oh and that whole being lactose-intolerant thing.

Split a cab home with Maryann, didn't get home til 12:30am, didn't go to sleep til around 1:30/2am. And then overslept! Luckily, still got to work on time. Whew!

Oh yeah! Judy, Maryann and I had our picture taken by Anna against her photo paper backdrop -- they were really cute pics. =D I'll scan the stickers we printed out at home later and post them.