in the context of a cultural tapestry where women’s perspectives are consistently undervalued

[osaraba]

Some blog posts/articles regarding sexism/racism/privilege that made me feel good rather than depressed:

1. Regarding the sexual assault on Lisa Logan in Egypt, Journalist Nir Rosen's offensive jokes/remarks on twitter. And his subsequent apology: THIS, btw, is how public apologies for rape jokes/apologia should go.

2. Have I mentioned how much I love Clarisse Thorn? In the follow-up to her post last week about entrenched societal sexism, is a post with some very valid, relevant, not-so-rhetorical questions:

But … how many times do dudes get to be “trying to be friendly and not really jerks” when they shut women down, before there’s more to it than that? At what point does it stop being “that one asshole dude” (or “those two asshole dudes”, or “okay it was three”) … or even “that one nice guy who just said one sexist thing that one time” (or “two nice guys” or “three nice guys” or “one nice guy who, okay, yes he says it a lot, but ….”) I noted that I’ve experienced other similar situations, and plenty of commenters backed me up; at what point does it stop being “that one guy”, “that one time”, and become a pattern? And at what point does an example become good enough to represent the pattern?

She also addresses what I think to be one aspect of the mental hurdles it's difficult to overcome when you're privileged. That is, the knee-jerk denial/defensiveness that you experience. I know it; I've felt it myself. It's not the responsibility of others, of course, to patiently explain to you why you're wrong -- and you'd have to be willing to admit you're wrong to begin with -- but honestly, a kind explanation can help in getting past that feeling.

There’s something else worth adding, too, about this particular example. Admittedly, there were points in that post where I was pretty snarky about this dude, but one of the things I really like about feminism is that it gives me a great framework to think about people who act in oppressive patterns without thinking that they are Incontrovertibly Bad People. What I am saying here is that I don’t think, and never did think, that he’s an evil guy; in fact, I thought he was pretty nice, really, overall.

Individuals bear responsibility, but culture affects these things too. Feminism has taught me that culture often encourages people to fall into oppressive patterns, which we should watch out for. This means, unavoidably, that individuals sometimes have to be called out or used as examples. But it means that they’re, you know, people. Who can be understood as people.

Personally, I really identify when people talk about themselves; it illustrates your willingness to own your own mistakes and prejudices -- and we all make/have them. In a stereotypical way, I suppose, I feel like-- "if you did/thought this dumb thing and are opening/improving your mind/perspective, then I don't see why I can't do the same."

And given how privilege and oppression and violence replicate themselves, it may be especially problematic for me to have the kind of privilege that I have, and simultaneously come from a feminist background that has educated me about the way women have consistently been shut down … unless I resolve to watch myself and never feel entitled to shut others down, or ignore their perspectives, in the same way.

“I know you’re smarter than me, so let’s not get into it”: this isn’t only a kind of subtle shutdown that I can feel frustrated about and condescended to if someone says it to me; it’s also something I should be careful about with in terms of shutting down other people. If I do that, then perhaps I should be called out or used as an example. I’d hope that I’d also be seen and understood as a person.

ETA: Sorry, I didn't want to put any of this behind an lj-cut, in case something caught someone's eye, since the message is an important one.

Comments

[morganwolf.livejournal.com]

Rosen's apology was... problematic in some ways, and it's still got a lot of feminists angry. But, you know, feminists: we are very good at being very angry. My personal apology strategy: "I was wrong, I hurt people, and I am sorry." Going too far beyond that frequently winds up looking like, actually, you are not all that sorry, and you haven't really learned much other than to only run your mouth behind closed doors from now on. I'm glad he did apologize, and it shows at least he's not completely oblivious. Baby steps, right?

The discussion of privilege is really interesting to me, because I think so many of us experience privilege in some kind of way, and it's so valuable to become aware of it: that it exists, how it affects our perspectives, how we can work through it, how to recognize the different paradigms of privilege and power that create oppression. It's definitely a subject worth exploring.

[osaraba]

You're right, it was problematic in some ways; I doubt any apology would satisfy everyone - it's hard/impossible maybe? to strike the perfect balance between explaining and going too far. As apologies go, I felt this landed on the satisfactory side, but of course this was just my own opinion.

LOL angry feminists: I am not actually good at being angry at these things that are so much bigger than me and my own daily world -- for me, it turns to sadness and my default is to reject that feeling right quick. And... sigh... I realize that I'm privileged to be able to do so. =/

Re: your 2nd paragraph. Basically: YES. <3