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osarabaI downloaded a Mad Libs app for my iPhone (the free version has only 4 "stories") and played with my mom on Saturday while I was in the hospital with her and my father. She was filling in the words, and you can sort of glean her mood from some of the words that were used to fill in the blanks...
For #4, Liz arrived at the hospital after just having taken a final for her class about Politics in South Africa.
Also note - I'm the one who was obsessed with the drip bags...
For #4, Liz arrived at the hospital after just having taken a final for her class about Politics in South Africa.
Also note - I'm the one who was obsessed with the drip bags...
1. VACATIONS
A vacation is when you take a trip to some (ADJECTIVE) braindead place with your (ADJECTIVE) ecstatic family. Usually you go to some place that is near a/an (NOUN) chair or up on a/an (NOUN) car. A good vacation place is one where you can ride (ANIMAL, PLURAL) horses or play (GAME) Scrabble Slam or go hunting for (PLURAL NOUN) people. I like to spend my time (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') sitting or (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') standing. When parents go on a vacation, they spend their time eating three (FOOD, PLURAL) chicken thighs a day, and fathers play golf, and mothers sit around (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') eating. Last summer, my little brother fell in a/an (NOUN) restaurant and got poison (PLANT) horsetail grass all over his (PART OF THE BODY) kidney. My family is going to go to (PLACE) hospital, and I will practice (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') snoring. Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very (ADJECTIVE) buzzy and because they have to work (NUMBER) 247 hours every day all year making enough (PLURAL NOUN) idiots to pay for the vacation.
2. HOW TO ENJOY YOURSELF ON THE BEACH
When you go to the beach, you must take along a big blanket, a thermos bottle full of (TYPE OF LIQUID) water, lots of suntan (SOMETHING ICKY) blood, a couple of folding (PIECE OF FURNITURE, PLURAL) recliner chairs. Then you put on your (ARTICLE OF CLOTHING) bra so you can get a beautiful (COLOR) red to last you all summer. You also should have a big hat to keep the sun off your (PART OF THE BODY) kidney. If you want exercise, you can find some (PLURAL NOUN) idiots to play volleyball with. Volleyball is America’s favorite (ADJECTIVE) fucking game. You can also bring a/an (ADJECTIVE) bloody lunch, such as hard-boiled (PLURAL NOUN) morons, a few (ANIMAL) dog sandwiches with mustard, and some bottles of (SILLY WORD) cutiepie cola. If you remember all of the above and get a place near a/an (ADJECTIVE) indecisive lifeguard, you can sunbathe (ADVERB) blankly all day.
3. LETTER TO A FRIEND BACK HOME
Dear (PERSON IN ROOM) Poppy,
Well, here we are at the (ADJECTIVE) sleepy Seaside Hotel in (A PLACE) Mars. The weather is (ADJECTIVE) snowy and the temperature is (NUMBER) 218 degrees. Our hotel room looks out onto a garden filled with (TYPE OF FOOD) tuna salad trees and tropical (PLURAL NOUN) cups. The natives are all (ADJECTIVE) pink and spend their time (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') drinking and riding their (PLURAL NOUN) drip bags through the streets. Most of them only speak (LANGUAGE) Indonesian, but I can communicate by making signs with my (PART OF THE BODY) kidney. The local food is really (ADJECTIVE) holey. Mostly they eat (ADJECTIVE) stupid burritos and refried (TYPE OF FOOD, PLURAL) curry tofu with beansprouts. Our hotel only costs a hundred (SILLY WORD, PLURAL) sugarplums a day. We are going to spend the week (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') running and then come home. Wish you were here.
4. DRIVING IN THE CAR
Last summer for a vacation, my dad drove us to (A PLACE) Zimbabwe. Our car is a/an (YEAR) 1884 sedan with (NUMBER) 1,994 doors and a/an (ADJECTIVE) deracialized motor. We started out at sunrise. My mom and dad spent all night (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') empowering the house and (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') gunning down the car so we could get an early start. My dad took his golf (PLURAL NOUN) drip bags and my mom took her tennis (NOUN) bagel. I took my dog, (PERSON IN ROOM) Poppy. The dog and I and my little (ADJECTIVE) scratchy sister sat in the back. My dad was the driver, and as he came out of the driveway he ran into a/an (NOUN) kidney and dented a/an (NOUN) people. My mom said, “Why don’t you pay attention and watch where you are (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') cutting?” After (NUMBER) 47 hours, we stopped to (VERB) criticize at a/an (NOUN) analysis. The (SAME NOUN) analysis was horrible, and this got my dad (VERB ENDING IN 'ING') releasing again. After driving (ADVERB) hotly in this manner for two days, we finally arrived here and have been having a really (ADJECTIVE) smelly time.
